GeneveMarie

I found a house to rent. Always ups and downs, but I have my job, I'm moving into a house, and I'm pretty healthy. So far so good. If only it would get a little more sunny....

Things are as they are right now. Moving. Whether they are they are just ok, or good. I haven't taken a step back yet which is all I ask for. I was standing on the edge of a cliff but I didn't fall. Fall isn't over and it's my favorite time of year. I am wondering if I can still enjoy it while it's still here. The only thing I'm letting go is my diet and my body which is pretty important. I'm becoming tired. I haven't gained any weight, but I can FEEL a difference inside. I'll be ok. I always say that, and I think I'm starting to believe it. I'm hoping to fill some voids. I still hurt everyday. Emotionally. I'll be ok though. It's lovely outside and I'm seeing my son and best friends today. Happy fall.

I am working now. Seems to be taking up a lot of my time. I am very happy with that. I don't mind working for once, except dealing with the annoying children and rude clients of course. Today I am packing Lucas's things for his hopefully not permanent trip to his dad's house. I was told to leave my mother's last night. I don't have much time to stay, and even though my son is welcome to stay there, I am not letting him with such a negative environment around him. My ceiling is leaking everytime it rains over my bed(really really bad), the downstairs is so gross that my son won't play down there, or won't go to the bathroom. I'm losing it. Having to pack my child's things in bags knowing he won't be sleeping in the other room or climbing in bed with me, or knowing I can't read a story to him before bed is pretty devastating. I can't bring him here to play, to do anything. I'll have a couple of hours with him a couple days a week. I can't do it. I am supposed to move out soon, but a couple of months isn't soon enough. I'm losing things one after another. I'll try and keep my head up but I feel like I lost a part of myself. Shit.

For the first time ever I don't mind that it gets hot here. When I jog outside I sweat more. I love to sweat when I work out. If I could drip sweat I would feel so happy. So accomplished. Get all if those crazy toxins and shit out lol. If you drive by and see me jogging and I'm sweating, know I am happy as shit.

This year: Get in better shape(muscle). Not sure if I need to lose more weight(for the first time in my life I can say that I might need to stop losing weight.) My old name is back so I need to keep changing cards, etc. Lucas finishes preschool, starts kindergarten. I start college in the fall. Find something to do that I really enjoy doing for myself.( painting, etc) This year will be....insane.